i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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