So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
