I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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