She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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