Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
