Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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