I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
