is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
