The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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