I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
