We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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