Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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