I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
