I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
