ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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