It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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