Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
