my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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