just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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