He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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