Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
