There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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