He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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