He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
