i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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