I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
