I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
