Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
