I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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