Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
