Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
