I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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