you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
