I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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