is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
