Umm I'm too high to move.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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