Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
