apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
