I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
