no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
