It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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