Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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