I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
