Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
