I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
