help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Congratulations! We have a period
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
