why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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