just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
