girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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