You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
