i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
