3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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