DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
