In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
