I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
