No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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