i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
