You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
