If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
