It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
