Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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