I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
