I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
