she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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