New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
