Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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